Marriage: Connect / Reconnect

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We are always looking for ways to do better in our marriage. We often (spontaneously) ask each other for a report card. This is very helpful as we continue to grow. Some would say there is nothing to change after 23 years you are set. You would be wrong. There are 4 major aspect of connecting or reconnecting with your spouse, emotion, intellect, physical and spirituality.

Emotions can be a source of tension for many couples. Here are a few ways to get on the right track:

  1. Become your spouses biggest cheerleader. By sharing your successes together you will find an appreciation for one another too.
  2. Always observe and appreciate the good qualities of your spouse. Look at them as a spouse, parent and person. What are they doing right? Focus on that.
  3. It’s said that hand written notes are cherished. Write your spouse a note telling them what you see in them and what you appreciate about them. These go a long way in building that emotional connection.

Intellectually you and your spouse may be in different groups. You don’t have to have the same IQ to connect intellectually:

  1. Set some goals together or maybe pick a book to read together (yes, we’ve done this).
  2. Play games that make you think. This is fun and may surprise you both.
  3. Challenge each other by asking thought provoking questions. This is not like a test question but perhaps politics, life, even marriage questions.

We all crave physical connections. They are integral in our everyday life but we especially need them from our spouse. I don’t just mean physical touch but sexual connection too:

  1. Take some time at night to connect. Forget screen time and lay in bed and talk about life.
  2. Go for a walk hand in hand (we have done this one for over 15 years).
  3. Spend plenty of time enjoying each others touch before having sex.
  4. Surprise each other and get a hotel room for fun one night.

Spiritual connections are deep. They intertwine your souls:

  1. If you don’t already know about your spouses beliefs and how they got them, ask them about them.
  2. Praying together is a great way to get to know your spouse. You learn what is important to them by what they pray about. This can be a very tender time for you both.
  3. Learn scripture together. This is a great connection, you have special words to share with each other.


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