Marriage- A Primer

My husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have been together for 26 years! People say that’s a long time, I think it’s not that long. We know we are very different from other couples. We do things differently.  I will share a little about that in future posts but here I want to share the top 5 things I have learned my hubby needs to thrive in our marriage. This list is in no particular order:

1. Respect: We are well aware of the gender stereotypes out there. Do yourself a favor and don’t belittle your spouse. You probably wouldn’t like it either. There is a difference in stroking someone’s ego and respecting them. You want your spouse to know you truly respect them, not just to appease them. Dig down deep and think about this one.
2. Acceptance: Many women make the mistake of thinking they can change their spouse after they are married. This is FALSE!!! Men want to be accepted for who they are (we all do). Most grown men are set in their ways and not looking for someone who will want to change them drastically. You probably don’t really want your spouse to be a completely different person anyways.
3. Physical connection: While women typically connect better through communication, men are known to typically connect better through the act of physical intimacy. Intimacy is an important part of many relationships. Men want to feel needed and they also want their needs met. That physical connection is key.
4. Emotional intimacy: This one gets lots of marriages. Men are not known for sharing their feelings openly but they do have feelings. There will be times when he wants to open up and share and you need to be that safe space for him. He needs to know that he will not be judged or looked at differently for sharing.
5. Fun: No one wants to be with someone who is a big dull dud. Be open to doing different things. You don’t have to always like everything he is doing but at least be open to doing some of those things. Two people in a relationship can have their own inside jokes and things to laugh about. That’s what makes it even more special.

You don’t need to drastically change yourself to fit into what your spouse wants but you do need to consider that fact that relationships are a 2 way street. A strong relationship is 2 people giving it all they’ve got.